Like An Apple
by Nadja Lee
Summary: It was an accident, but can you ever live with the guilt?


Like An Apple 

By Nadja Lee 07/03/02

English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

Disclaimer: "X-men" and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.

Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.

Timeline: Set within the X-men movie, alternative happenings.

Universe: Set in the X-men movie universe.

Pairing: Logan/Rogue

Summary: It was an accident………but can you ever live past something like that?

Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.

Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@usa.net 

Rating: R! Very strong R

Series/sequel: None 

Part 1:

It wasn't hard, just like peeling an apple. No different. Tears forced their way down her cheeks, blurring her vision. It didn't hurt, it really didn't. Just like an apple. She flickered in pain. Damn, she could still feel. She reached over and emptied the Vodka bottle standing on the floor next to her and threw it towards the other empty bottles on the floor. She eyed the glass with painkillers, swimming in and out of her line of vision. Maybe a few more of those. Her hand shaking she took a few in her hands, spilling some more on the floor and swallowed them. There, she began again. The razor in her hand, she let it meet flesh. The metal was cold against her skin as she drew a line of blood…….peeling an apple, just like peeling an apple. Just like the apple given Snow White….so sweet and innocent on the outside but one touch, one taste…….and it was instant death.

Just like him, like Logan. She had killed him. To save herself she had killed him. After all the kindness he had shown her she had rewarded him with death. She had just wanted to wake him up from a bad dream when suddenly his claws had pierced her. She shouldn't have reached for him. She remembered his frightened face, how he had tried to draw back, his whispered 'no'. She hadn't listened. She had killed him. Killed the man she had come to love. 

She didn't want to feel, didn't want to remember. She succeeded in finding the remote control on the floor and played the music louder; anything to drown out her own thoughts and feelings. The bathroom floor was cold against her skin even through her long white nightdress but she couldn't feel it any longer. Her vision was blurry and it was like all the things in the bathroom were dancing. She felt strange, kinda light headed. Again and again she let the razor dance over her arms, peeling skin from flesh. Just like an apple, no different. Soon all the poison would be gone, all gone. 

The bathroom floor was coloured red by now, the music was playing loud and she just sat there……peeling an apple, just like an apple.

"Marie! Gods!" a voice yelled, his voice. Through a haze of pain, drugs and booze she lifted her head and look up…….right into his concerned eyes. A ghost, he was a ghost.

"Marie, what have you done?" horror, shock and pain in his voice. He gently took the razor from her hands, grimacing at all the blood.

"Logan, what's wrong? Is she alright?" another voice, also male. Scott. Wonder what he's doing here? She thought confused but her thoughts seemed to be moving a lot slower than normal.

"Get Jeannie," Logan said softly.

"What……God!" Scott's voice was filled with horror as he saw her sitting there on the bathroom floor coloured red from the blood dripping from her arms, empty bottles and glasses around her.

"Get Jean!" Logan yelled, anguish and anger in his voice.

"She's not here. She's at her parents' place. Come, we're got to get her to sickbay."

Their voices seemed to be drifting in and out, she felt like she had a cotton bag around her head. It seemed strangely good in a weird kind of way. Suddenly she was being lifted up and her head lay against a strong shoulder; Logan was carrying her.

"Too…….too bad you're not real," Rogue mumbled, lowly, pained. She had killed him. What kind of monster was she? She had killed him.

"I'm real, darlin'. I'm real and I'm here. I always will be. You can't kill me," he reassured, his voice coming from a far.

"Keep talking with her," Scott urged as they hurried down the corridor. Some of the students had been awaken from their sleep by the noise and had come out in the hallway.  
"Get the fuck out of my way or I'll cut you through," Logan warned and the kids moved out of his way in fear, making him pass.

"What the Hell are you doing here? Get to bed. NOW," Scott ordered hotly. 

"Rogue! Oh, dear Goddess," Ororo's soft voice said as she came to them, having also been awaken by the noise.

"Ororo, call Jean. Tell her to hurry and make the kids stay in their rooms," Scott's voice ordered. He had probably all but yelled it but his voice was fading. Everything was fading. But before it did…she needed to say something, needed to say those words.

"Ah…….loved you," Rogue whispered softly to Logan, a weak, shaking and bloodied hand reaching up and caressing his cheek, leaving behind a trail of red as she withdrew it. Feeling very weak her head fell back to rest against his shoulder and he tightened his grip on her and held her closer in to him.

"I love you too, kid. Stay with me. Marie! Marie!" his voice was very faint now, his tears making it even fainter.

"She's going into shock. Quick, we're almost there." Scott's voice, so very faint. Everything seemed to drift away, no pain, no guilt, no sorrow anymore. Nothing but peace……..

"She's unconscious," Scott's voice, stating a fact, sadness in it but also a sense of urgency.

"Jean'll be here soon," Ororo's kind voice, soft and filled with emotions too deep for her to say out loud.  
"Let me look at her," Scott, needing something to do.

"She stays with me. I won't leave her. Ever," a promise, a vow from Logan.

"What in the world would make her do this to herself?" Confusion from Scott. Confusion and a need to understand.  
"Love……..only love," not a question but a statement from Ororo. 

Only love………..such a deep felt love.

The End


End file.
